12 - Demon

The sound of a gun firing a blank came from the field. It seemed like the student committee was playing around after they finished rehearsing for the sports festival tomorrow. If they're this energetic on the eve of the event, they probably won't be able to keep their feet on the ground once the actual festival rolls around.

Although, I can't say my feet are that still either. I'm probably excited too. More than anything, it's the fact tomorrow's special—sports festivals are thrilling, and we don't have any classes either. It's not like tomorrow will be a free-for-all, but we will be able to bend the rules some. I'm guessing all of the drugstores will sell out of dyed hairspray tonight.

“You're excited, huuuh?"

Tateha and I were the only ones in the classroom this evening.

I was made a member of the sports committee the same way I was made a class representative. I had been totally focused on a planning meeting until just a few moments ago, but then I slipped out when I saw Tateha pass by. It wasn't a big deal since we were pretty much already done with the planning.

I sat down on the window ledge and stared outside.

"You're not, Tateha?"

With the evening light streaming in, the classroom's ambience was totally different from lecture hours. It had a church-like sanctity. No bags hung from the desks. There were no students; no teachers either. The blackboard had been wiped clean. The corridors were quiet and empty. The lights had been turned off in stairways. It been 20 minutes since the lights went out, but the warning chime hadn't rung yet. It felt like I was doing something a bit exceptional.

As I fondly watched the hubbub through the rustling curtains, Tateha wistfully smiled.

"I wonder about that."

"Ah, are you the type who's not good with high-energy? I've always loved it."

I was secretly proud of the fact I had been involved with the sports festival for four years running. I was on the planning committee this year, but I had been part of the cheer squad all three years of middle school. I had a personality for pitching in to make it a better event for everyone.

"Ah... But *this* is fun."

Tateha had shown me an unused ear piercer. The school overlooked minor code infractions on the day of the sports festival. Compared to people who would be coming in with bright red hair, a piercing was pretty discreet. Tateha told me she wanted me to pierce her ears this morning.

It surprised me, and I hesitated to say I'd do it. I think she simply wanted to try sticking a needle into her skin.

"I wonder if it'll sting. Well, since it's going through my skin... I'm sure it'll hurt, huuuh." Filled with hope, Tateha took the piercer out of her bag. "Wooow, the needle's thicker than I thought."

"I don't think it'll hurt as much as you think it will, since it all happens so suddenly."

I got my ears pierced with my friends during summer break last year. It was fun even though it was only in fashion for about a month. Maybe it's because I only pierced one ear, but I was surprised by how much I started caring about the side it was on. The way I kept turning my head to the left so people could notice it might've been a little childish.

"I want you to handle the piercing." Tateha brushed her hair aside. It felt like the evening sun shone like a bright morning for a brief moment when her normally hidden ear came into view.

My voice hoarse, I tried to say something as I took the piercer. "Where do you want it, left or right?"

"On the right, I guess."

Without fully comprehending what I was doing, I cupped her ear in my hand. She smiled sweetly as I touched it, like a cat being pet. She pulled her hands up to her chest when I started to set up the piercer. I could tell how nervous she was.

"Here goes."

I've helped with this a few times, and for the most part girls keep their eyes shut when I do the piercing. Tateha, though, patiently stared up at me like she was looking at something she treasured. My stiff face was reflected in her watery pupils. Not even I understood the face I was making or the mood I was in.

The needle fired and clicked when it met the plastic stopper. A faint groan slipped through the small crack that opened between Tateha's lips.

"I'll do it again, okay?" If I didn't squeeze harder than before, the needle would end up getting stuck halfway in. "It's dangerous to move, so sit still."

Even though I changed the angle of the needle, it was hard to get it to stab. I grabbed Tateha's cheek to make sure she couldn't move. My palms were surprisingly hot. No, it was Tateha's face that was hot. Even though her flushed cheeks were still lit by the setting sun, it didn't diminish their color. It was just the two of us in the classroom that heard the sound of the piercer inserting the transparent stud.

"And now you're pierced!"

Tateha rubbed her right ear with interest when I took my hand away, tracing around the contasting textures.

"The best thing to do is leave it in for the next month, or else it'll get infected. Wear your hair down for the time being, too." I loosened the hair tucked behind her ear. The strands of hair meekly fell one over the hole I'd opened.

"That's another hole you've put in me, huh." The smile of her closed eyelids hid the artificial eye's dark, motionless pupil.

Crows and bats were beginning to mingle in the evening sky. When I looked at the clock I saw it was already half past five.

"I can tell you're liking the pain."

"Y-yeah..." She nodded as she curled up with shame. It was like I'd just started talking to her about a love she had mixed feelings about. It was off-kilter enough for me to be unsure of my footing.

"So that's what... feels good for you?" By the time I realized I'd stepped into a topic that was hard to talk about, the question was already leaving my mouth.

"Feels good? Um... well, I guess? I can't describe it, but... but... if I had to say, maybe it's proof."

"Proof?"

"Proof that I lived." She looked shy, like she'd just revealed the name of the person she liked. "I don't remember things. Until recently, I couldn't remember how I lived, or even the point of living at all. Pain goes hand-in-hand with everything I do remember. Getting hurt sears things into my memories. That's apparently why I never forgot about you, Ruri-chan. I remember everything that happened when you were hurting me. When *that* happened, I felt alive. I was definitely alive... or something like that. S-Sorry, it's hard to explain."

"So you're saying you want to be hurt to burn your life into memory?"

"No, that's not it. I like being in pain. I only have memories of doing things I like. That's why I wanted to know if you were looking forward to the sports festival, because I didn't know how to feel. I don't remember anything about past festivals at all. What did I do? Did I have fun? I can't even be sure I went at all."

"There's no way you didn't, right? Don't you have *any* pictures?" I stepped in something I shouldn't have. By the time I tried to step back, the soles of my feet were already glued to a dark stain.

"Mom didn't come to stuff like the sports festival."

I was almost sure that Tateha had no memories of her family from when she was little. And so, she slowly but steadily lost a clear sense of what she enjoyed until those few wavering feelings no longer registered as happiness at all. I got the sense that Tateha had resorted to using vivid sensations like pain as fuel to keep powering on.

"But I'm having a lot of fun now! Every day is turning out to be a memorable one since we met again. Thanks for rescuing me." Brief hints of loneliness flickered in her face, lit by the setting sun. I couldn't tell if her being happy about that was good or bad.

If I could make Tateha happy, I was happy. I could make Tateha happy. But if pain was the only way she could prove she was alive, it wasn't a matter of good or bad. It felt more... dangerous, I think.

"As long as we keep it to things like this, I'm happy to go along with it as much as you'd like."

Compared to stabbing her with a mechanical pencil or strangling her, hurting her with a piercer should be a lot safer... supposedly. Piercings were still a violation of school codes that would defintely make the teachers mad if they found out, but it was still better than getting caught doing the other stuff. Maybe it would have been better to have not done the piercing at all.

"Aha." Tateha's white teeth showed in her smile. It wasn't the friendly smile she flashed at everyone. This smile, one she only showed to me, made her look like an angel possessed by a demon. It was gorgeous.