14 - Bloodstain

Both of my hands hung motionless in the air, like they were floating in the vacuum of space.

"So, um... well, I might scream, so I want you to cover my mouth."

I might have forgotten how to even nod. Or blink, for that matter. My eyes were drying out quick.

"Cover... your mouth?"

Tateha repeated herself, like she was soothing a child with her kind voice. "That... and I want you to pin my arms against the wall, too. I'll definitely put up a fight."

"Are you... really okay with that?"

"Yeah, it's what I want."

Tateha's moist eyes pleaded with me. She was never specific about what she wanted me to do. She gave me the freedom to decide how to follow her requests, stubbornly refusing to say whether something was okay or not. It was all my choice. And I... always seemed to be able to make those choices.

She winced when I touched her earring.

"I have to tear... *this* out?" Imagining the mangled flesh and blood when the cartilage cried out in defeat was enough to make me cringe. A chill ran down my spine and my grasp on reality began to fade.

There was no way I could do something like that. It was on a totally different level from everything I'd done before. Even though tearing an earring off the tip of her earlobe might be easy enough, I had no idea what her body would do. If her ear only tore around the piercing, that was still fine, but what would I do if it tore like tracing paper?

"You won’t... do it?"

While my hand remained frozen in place on her earring, Tateha tilted her head. As soon as I saw her make that expression, I had to follow through with her request.

I suddenly yanked on the earring, and the pale skin of her ear tried to come along for the ride. Even the skin on her face stretched, so I pressed my hand into her cheek to hold it in place. My finger hooked around the hoop. I hoped for a miracle as I prepared to go through with it. That the earring would come off for some reason, or a monster attack would destroy the classroom—anything to interrupt us.

My fingertip filled with power. Frustration pulled down on it like gravity.

With a snap, the piercing came out with a chunk of skin.

If the force I used to pull it out was in service of remorse and consolation, that was a virtue. This act in service of Tateha's desire was an act of atonement for my sins.

"Ah–"

I immediately put my hand over her mouth when I saw her gasp.

"...kh...!"

Her eyes grew round and teared up. Her tongue pressed against the palm covering her mouth, licking up and down. She tried to push through me, and I shoved her back against the wall. If I was half-hearted in using my strength, she'd be able to get her mouth open. So, I leaned my full weight into the hand on her mouth, just like I was choking her.

"Pff...mh.......mmhm..........kh!"

Tateha's legs thrashed as she writhed in pain. She grabbed my shoulders and tried to escape, but I seized her wrist and slid my knee between her legs. Once I did, she couldn't move anymore. I realized how smooth my motions had been—I was learning from everything I'd done to Tateha before. I was... getting used to this.

My spine tingled.

The notch in Tateha's ear resembled a mousebite in cheese. The skin on her ear was turning deep red. It didn't take long for the blood to stream down her jaw. She tried to say something, but only smeared drool on my hand. The words that reached my ears were muffled.

"Ru..... ri..... cha...kh! ...mh, mh....!"

At that moment, I remembered the first time I spoke to Tateha for some reason.

—You got 100 points on the test, Ruri-chan?! That's amazing!

She was halfway back to her seat with her own graded test. Her eyes sparkled when she saw the grade on the test that was lying on my desk. I watched her shout "That's amazing! That's amazing!" as she bounced up and down. I distinctly remember feeling like she was blowing away the smoke in my mind.

I wasn't all that bad at studying. I'd been praised a few times for it, but Tateha was the first one to express her praise so openly. At the time, I didn't know how to react, so I pursed my lips and brushed it off as cooly as I could with a ‘thanks’. On the inside, though, I was so happy I could dance.

Afterwards, my eyes ended up following Tateha around. When she looked at me, I’d break out in a delighted smile. I thought that she definitely had to like me. I twistedly accepted her affection like I was petting a beloved dog who couldn't help herself.

It felt like mud filled my throat when I saw her give other kids the same treatment.

The truth is, I wanted to be on good terms with her. But it got to the point that the way she socialized annoyed me—that superficial smile she showed to just anyone—and before I knew it, I was bullying her. It was probably a bit different from a boy teasing a girl he likes, but it came from the same place. It felt like even a simple, human desire to hug Tateha and have a friendship reciprocated had been torn to shreds. Maybe I could still turn back?

Even though I was drowning in regret, it didn't translate to tears. In the depths of pain, my eyes were so dry I wondered if there were any tears to be found.

That first memory of meeting Tateha. It probably must've been the last hope I had left.

"What are you two doing?"

So, this had to be a reaping of what I'd sown.

When I was little, I saw an example of a serial killer on the run from police on TV. That man tried using every trick in the book to confuse them, but the police tackled and arrested him on a fishing dock after a month. It’s why I understood as a child—a person like that could expect to be arrested someday. Someday, eventually... a moment like that was certain to happen with me. I would never escape it.

I saw Kururu standing in the classroom doorway and remembered what a serial killer on a rampage looked like. I’d layered that look over myself many times. The killer held a paring knife thought to be the murder weapon in his hand. In mine was a bloodstained hoop earring. Maybe we really weren't all that different. It was just a matter of whether or not we'd taken a life.

"Someday" was certain to come along if I kept running. I guess that someday just happened to be today.